Mountains of Music: A Cautionary Tale

I am a hoarder of music.

I realized this after moving this past September. I used to keep all of my music in a cardboard box (a big cardboard box...), and I found a great non-metal, non-corporate-looking filing cabinet in which to store said music. Meticulously alphabetizing DVDs and CD's has always been a necessity of mine - and so it excited me that I would finally have the space to sort and order my music to my heart's content.

My heart did not remain contented for long - in fact, when sorting lasted about 4 hours longer than I had envisioned (even with the help of my wonderful Prince Charming), and when I found myself on the floor still surrounded by piles of music well into the wee hours I realized I had a problem.

Once upon a time...

There was a young woman, Princess Kadoodle, who wanted so badly to be successful at her life's calling. In the deepest part of her core she longed for a wonderful orchestra in which to play, a studio of dedicated students to teach, and a number of opportunities for chamber music and solo recitals. She wanted to be loved and respected by her musical peers, and she wanted to be recognized and noticed by her major teachers for being hard-working and to make them proud.

As the oldest daughter, it was her task to go out into the world and make her fortune. She had been trying for quite some time. Princess Kadoodle was not afraid of her family thinking she hadn't accomplished anything towards these means - she knew they loved her no matter what she did. In fact, she had already received her Undergraduate and Master's degrees, made a small but honest living for herself, and found her Prince Charming and been taken away to his Castle in the Clouds. She had even half-tamed two cats and learned to garden.

One day, Princess Kadoodle woke up and felt a deep sense of regret and longing that she wasn't really fulfilling all of her heart's desires. She kissed the sleeping Prince Charming on the forehead, fed her cats, and watered the bromeliads on the windowsill. Then she went downstairs where her viola was kept, and she stared at it and really thought about her life.

She was not happy. She was in an orchestra, and principal viola, but it was a part-time regional orchestra and she knew in her heart she would never get to play Ein Heldenleben or Mahler 5 with them. She had some students who were dedicated and whom she loved teaching, but she knew in her heart that teaching in itself would never make her truly happy as it could some other people she knew. Princess Kadoodle was grateful that she was in a chamber ensemble and would get to play semi-regularly with them, but she knew in her heart that she might never give another solo recital again. Her friends loved her, they respected her, and her teachers liked her. However, it saddened her heart to think she might not be a star student, and that her teachers were not completely invested in her.

Her heart thumped painfully and she knew she was missing something.

At the deepest, most sensitive and resonant part of her heart, where her soul danced with her dreams and all of her wishes swirled around waiting to be fulfilled, she knew what it would take to get what she wanted.

She decided she needed to become a better violist. She would no longer be content just getting by with mediocrity and a smidge of talent, as she was at the moment. She needed to become a viola sorceress, a high-priestess of practice, a viola monster. With this lethal combination of magic, mind, and monster, she could realize all of her deepest longings with the movement of a finger or the drawing of her bow.

She decided to make a potion.

Princess Kadoodle took all she had learned in her orchestral studies and performing experiences and swirled them together with the feelings she got whenever she played a symphony. Then she mixed in all of the technical exercises she was so good at teaching her students and infused them with scales and double stops and the essence of tuner and metronome. She took the musicality she had developed from her chamber music training and simmered it slowly throughout the mixture, and it turned a deep magenta color.

She drank it.

And then she waited.

All of the sudden her heart burst with a desire to play her viola that she hadn't felt in years. She felt invigorated, powerful, and in control.

And she began to practice.

Time for a New Beginning...

I haven't updated this space in almost two years. It's pretty pathetic.